You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I...''Don't?''Exactly,' he said happily.

Don't open the door to strangers,' said her dad. 'Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like it. If I'd like it, buy it for me. But nothing cheap. I have standards. Nothing too expensive, either. My standards aren't that high.

When I meet people, I no longer say 'Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you.' Now I say 'Hi, I'm number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me.

Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives.

He crouched at the care window and looked in. 'What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one.' His finger jabbed the glass. 'That one's a bit ugly.'The American stepped towards him. 'What? What did you say?'Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face.

A living skeleton isn't enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?