Derek Landy

"Don't open the door to strangers,' said her dad. 'Unless they're selling something. Then open the door and see if I'd like it. If I'd like it, buy it for me. But nothing cheap. I have standards. Nothing too expensive, either. My standards aren't that high."

"You make a good point,' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I...''Don't?''Exactly,' he said happily."

"Is that it?”“No. That’s a wall.”“It could be disguised.”“You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?”“I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one."

"When I meet people, I no longer say 'Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you.' Now I say 'Hi, I'm number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me."

"A living skeleton isn't enough for you, is it? What does it take to impress young people these days?"

"I'm placing you under arrest for murder, conspiracy to commit murder and, I don't know, possibly littering."

"This is stolen? We're in a stolen jet?'Not stolen,' said Donegan Bane from the co-pilot's seat.'Almost stolen,' Gracious corrected.'Semi-stolen,' said Donegan.'Quasi-stolen,' said Gracious. Aurora's frown did not turn upside down. 'So is it stolen or not?'Donegan and Gracious hesitated.'Yes,' they both said together."

"He crouched at the care window and looked in. 'What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one.' His finger jabbed the glass. 'That one's a bit ugly.'The American stepped towards him. 'What? What did you say?'Oh, don't worry. I'm sure his personality makes up for his face."

"Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant...The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives."