Groucho Marx

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."

"The only real laughter comes from despair."

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know."

"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."

"Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms."