Women are already born so far ahead ability-wise. The day men can give birth, that's when we can start talking about equal rights.

You can’t fool people into loving you.

After you find out all the things that can go wrong, you life becomes less about living and more about waiting. For cancer. For dementia. Every look in a mirror, you scan for the red rash that means shingles. See also: Ringworm. See also: Lyme disease, meningitis, rheumatic fever, syphilis.

You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.

You only ask people about themselves so you can tell them about yourself.

Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.