If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.

"All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write."

Fran Lebowitz

"The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting."

Fran Lebowitz

"If you're going to America, bring your own food."

Fran Lebowitz