P.G. Wodehouse

"A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle."

"There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."

"What's the use of a great city having temptations if fellows don't yield to them?"

"...There occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this:'He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute."