Karl Pilkington

"I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about."

"The cafe was called Tattoos. The fella who owned it didn't have any tattoos... But we never saw his wife."

"I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life."