E.J. Stevens

"The dwarf’s eyes widened—at least I think they widened, since they became much more visible in his hairy face—and he froze.“Would you prefer to retrieve the missive yourself, M’lady Wisp?” he asked.“I’d rather not,” I said. No way was I touching some strange dude’s vest, no matter how impressive his beard."

"My heart, always so strong in the past, was like the fishnet stockings that clung to my legs—torn, shredded, and full of gaping holes."