Ambrose Bierce

"Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment."

"Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while."

"Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves."

"Prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support."

"ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith."

"Hope is desire and expectation rolled into one."

"Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two."

"Acquaintance n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to."

"Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others."

"Piracy n: commerce without its folly-swaddles - just as God made it."

"TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance."